Official Personnel Record
Nutshella Command · Active Personnel Division
Dog Tag #08141941 · ⬛ CLASSIFIED
⬛ KRYPTONUT INTELLIGENCE FILE ⬛
Species Classification: Authorized Access Only
Oscar “Sarge” Agonie is a Kryptonut. The “unbreakable nut.” First cousin to the coconut. This alpha nut is extremely hard to figure out. Its rigid outer shell perfectly shields its inner beauty.
Kryptonuts have a unique place in history. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, Kryptonuts were in high demand. Americans who built homemade bomb shelters would often line the inside walls of their bunkers with Kryptonuts.
This is the favorite nut of dentists and drill sergeants.
Classification: UNBREAKABLE
From the Official Poster
Sergeant Oscar “Sarge” Agonie: Drill Instructor. Poet. MMA Champion. Certified Kryptonut.
“We leave no nut behind.”
Meet Sarge
- Tough on the outside. Deep on the inside. Sarge leads The Pistachio Pals with discipline, loyalty and a heart of… well, maybe not gold. But definitely something.
- Sarge is an ex-military drill instructor, expert marksman and former MMA champion. He believes in order, discipline and doing things the right way. He may bark a lot, but when it counts, he’s the first nut to have your back.
Combat Record
- Expert Marksman
- Black Belt in Brazilian Jiu-Nutsu
- Former MMA Champion
- Drill Instructor (Retired)
- Nickname: “NOOFUN” (Never Oppose Or Fight the Uncrushable Nut)
Secret Life
- Under the pseudonym Stan Zah, Sarge is an acclaimed poet who writes from the heart.
- Famous sonnut: “The Nut Not Taken” by Stan Zah. A touching piece about being left behind. This masterpiece gives us a rare glimpse through his tough outer shell and really showcases his inner beauty.
Sarge Stats
- Toughness: 5 of 5 stars
- Leadership: 5 of 5 stars
- Patience: ½ star
- Poetry skills: 5 of 5 stars
- Hug frequency: Classified
- Shell strength: Unbreakable
- Alpha nut status: Confirmed
Dog Tag
- Number: #08141941
- Inscription: Hard core unbreakable nut · Backing down: never
Sarge Sayings
- “Troops! A-ten-NUT!”
- “We leave no nut behind.”
Personnel File
- Favorite ice cream: Rocky Road (of course)
- Secret crush: Bow Ness
- Laundry quirks: Likes extra starch in his underpants
- Most likely to: Become President of Nutshella