⚠ Nutshella Medical Center: Stunt Trauma Unit
Official Patient Documentation: Authorized Personnel Only
Patient File
Species Classification
Broka-Nailnut: NMC Record
Cali Fornie is a Broka-Nailnut. Probably the most devious nut of all. Genetically linked to the Kryptonut and just as tough. The Broka-Nailnut is a pistachio nut with a tiny crack, just enough to see into its soul, but it will never open up. Definitely one tough nut to crack. A fingernail has no chance. It gives you false hope of a wonderful relationship. This is the favorite nut of charlatans and nail salon owners.
Clearance Stamps
⚠ CLEARED TO STUNT* (AT HER OWN RISK!) · *We tried to stop her.
From the Official Poster
Movie Stunt Double Extraordinaire: AKA “The Crash Queen”
“I don’t do stunts… I do what my heart tells me!”
Patient File
- Patient: Cali Fornie
- AKA: “The Crash Queen”
- Occupation: Movie Stunt Double Extraordinaire
- Residence: California
- Marital status: Single & loving it
- Pets: 2 cats: Peanut & Brittle · 1 dog: Almond
- Species: Broka-Nailnut: extremely tough, never opens
- Known allergies: Gravity
Current Vitals
- Courage: 100%
- Adrenaline: Off the chart
- Stubborn-ness: Maxed out
- Fear factor: Low (but probably shouldn’t be)
Selected Injury History
- Fell from building
- Exploding car
- Helicopter rope snap
- Horse kick (unscripted)
- Jumped a shark
- Hit by parade float
- Fall into air bag with no air
- Banana peel
- Status: Still standing!
X-Rays (Just a Few…)
- Ribs (again)
- Left arm (twice)
- Right leg (whole lotta times)
- Pelvis (ouch.)
Medical Summary
- Broken shells: Too many to count
- Stitches: Countless
- Concussions: Yep.
- Surgeries: Just enough
- Current condition: Amazingly unstoppable
- Doctor: Dr. Vinny Boombatz, M.D.: “She won’t listen. She won’t quit. She’s stubborn as a mule.”
Major Film Credits
- Planes, Trains & Pistachios
- The NuttyButty Professor
- Nut Wars… The Pecan Awakens
- Personal stunt double for: Honey Rose Tedd
Emotional Support Animal
- Name: Almond
- Effectiveness: 5 of 5 stars
- Side effects: Brings patient joy!
Doctor’s Prescription
- Please, please no more stunts. (Dr. Vinny Boombatz, M.D.)
- Cleared to stunt* (at her own risk!) *We tried to stop her.
Warning
- Cali Fornie has been known to: jump first, look never; put safety last; ignore all red flags; laugh in the face of danger.
Final Note
- She might be a Broka-Nailnut, but she’s got the biggest heart in Stachiwood.