Hans Frie

Hans Frie

Hans Frie is a giant sticky rubber hand that can be slapped against a wall, window, or unsuspecting sibling, where he remains firmly attached until peeled off.

For a brief and glorious moment, Hans was one of the hottest toys of the holiday season.

On Christmas morning, Hans was the very first gift unwrapped. He got exactly one spectacular throw against the living room wall before the kids erupted into a screaming match over whose turn was next. Sadly, Hans’s moment in the spotlight lasted only four minutes before everyone abandoned him for the far more sophisticated Turd Gun 2.0, a toy that made fart noises on command.

Heartbroken, Hans remained stuck to the wall, listening to the joyful chaos of Christmas morning.

Eventually, gravity took over.

Hans slowly slid down the wall, landed on top of the couch, slipped through a tear in the back fabric, and fell deep into the forgotten darkness below. His long rubber tail became wedged around a coil spring, leaving him trapped for years.

As dust piled up, so did Hans’s resentment. He had been the toy of the moment, only to be forgotten before lunchtime. Over time, he stopped talking to the other couch dwellers and quietly sulked in sticky silence.

Hans’s luck finally changed when the couch was set to be donated. Freed by Bow Ness during the Pistachio Pals’ great escape, Hans provided critical information that helped the group survive.

Afterward, Hans dedicated himself to lending a hand to anyone in need.

Hans truly made history when he and a young inventor friend, whose love of blue candy permanently stained his teeth, began discussing the dangers of talking on the phone while driving. That conversation eventually led the two to join forces and create one of the most important inventions of the modern era: hands-free Bluetooth technology.